Monday, May 23, 2011

Struggle.

Struggle all my life to fit into a world, that told me i was to fat, or i wasn't smart enough to become what i wanted to become deep down within. Struggled to be excepted by the people around me. Struggled to replace a love that was taken from me at a young age. Struggled to find my purity in myself after going through what i went through at the ages of 6 & 15. Struggled with different addictions to things i knew would kill me in the long run, to struggle was an every day thing for me that it became normal, became routine for me. People look at me today & say so many bad or good things about me, but deep down i never believe them because of my insecurity's that i still battle with today. Yes, im 21... Yes, i follow Christ 110%... & Yes, im in love with someone who i struggle to show him how much i care & ill never leave but thats an everyday routine for me, again. No more do i struggle with addictions, or my weight, or finding my purity within me because Gods taken it all away with the blood of his precious son but i still struggle with new thing & with people. Being who i am i struggle with trying to please people, make them happy, see them make their dreams come true. Struggle to have real genuine friends, who don't disappear on me when they feel its feasible for them to turn the other cheek when i may need them. i struggle, i am only human, & im not perfect. 

When you were born struggling sometimes, its harder then it seems to replace that with victory' but victory become what you strive for because struggling is not a lifestyle you wanna strive for. People get things mixed up with trying to be this perfect person instead of trying to be the best person you can be. Yes, i struggle daily but i know once that struggle has disappeared & victory has taken its course. I will be ready for a new struggle. Say what you may or want about me, good or bad - but i know as i strive to be the best person Gods watching & he will honor that, with love & blessings.